Academic Pretender Gifts

'He's not as studious as he looks - his backpack is full of comic books.'

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

'...And here we have the 'Laugher Curve.''

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

Aerodynamics Lecture room.

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

'And from this point follow me very carefully.'

He kept pretending he was going to work when he was just running errands.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'Hard or soft science?'

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

"Well, if the test is multiple choice I choose not to take it."

"The favourite practical joke amongst Big Bang theorists"

'Dr. Young is a professor at one of the nation's leading party schools.'

Laboratory: Protons /Electrons/Morons

'Today: The collective unconscious...'

"And then after high school, I spent twelve years in college and majored in procrastination."

"You need more info? Listen, son, our ancestors faked it, I fake it, and by gawd, it's time you learned to fake it."

Thomas Carlyle

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"