Pretend Intellectual Gifts

I'm also carrying that book around without reading it.

'He's not as studious as he looks - his backpack is full of comic books.'

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"....But then I find myself saying, what if there isn't more to life than this?"

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

A boy dressed as a cowboy riding a stick horse encounters a stick with a cow's skull at the end lying on the ground.

He kept pretending he was going to work when he was just running errands.

Jerry's 'culture-vulture' persona was plunged into jeopardy when he mistook a light switch for a modern art installation.

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

'Interview Dr. Witt for your esteemed journal? Of course, as soon as his play period is over.'

'Checkmate!'

The Ascent of Man.

Shakespeare Ave

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

'...Would you like me to try out my Big Bang theory?'

"I read an unforgettable book! Unfortunately, I don't remember the title and the author..."

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

'How do you expect to play Canasta when you left your brain to science?'

'It's some intellectual group, but nobody can figure out what they want.'

"Here's a free tip for you, kid: learn how to brood. Most people in the world mistake it for depth."

The Artificial Intelligentsia

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

Sale: Air guitar. As new.

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

"I don't think air guitar counts."

Mathematician Food Fights.

'Let's play school. I'll be the principal and you be the teacher, or you be the principal and I'll be the superintendent.'

Private Phone Calls

"My work is to stare into space."

The SAT test can wear you down.

'If you bark your head off all night in a forest and no one hears you, are you still a bad dog?'

'Do you have any enemies?' - 'No, only a lot of friends who hate me.'