Pharma Philosopher Pillows

"In order to get through this, I've had to find an inner strength that I never knew I had in the medicine cabinet."

'Pharmaceutical update: 'They got me producing antibiotics for cattle.' - 'That figures - I'm producing them for sheep.'

'It's just a side effect of the anti-anxiety medication. Try not to worry your pretty little head about it.'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'I'm sure these growth hormone tablets used to be bigger.'

"I forgot to take my exercise pill today."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Covid Variants

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'Any chance of me being recycled Doc?'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

"At this point, we know it's addictive."

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

"Today big pharma stocks rose on news 'down' is a state of mind that can be treated by pharmaceuticals."

'The cow that jumped over the moon, was she on some kind of growth hormones?'

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

Pets: This animal has not been tested on products.

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

Prescription Drugs '96.

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

Calm down...this is for your own good.

"Look on the dark side."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

Prozac, Lexapro and Lithium.

"Judy and Chuck were both gelcaps, so their marriage dissolved faster."