Medical Philosopher Pillows

"Look on the dark side."

Med. school 101 - 'Affordable diseases'. Med. school 302 - 'Unaffordable diseases'.

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

Physician tending a mummy.

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

The new normal

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Good news. It's a small pig."