Health Philosopher Pillows

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

'How optimistic are you about the future?'

'Any chance of me being recycled Doc?'

'But surely if I'm convinced I'm a hypochondriac that makes me one?'

Genetic link to obesity.

"Sometimes, in my dark moments, I do fear the firm handshake shall never return."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Critisize your weight.

The new normal

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

A Footnote - Self Portrait of Beardsley, Bound to the God of Nature

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Guy in gym

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

Food Pyramid

Women

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

Who's Dead