Health Philosopher Gifts

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

'How optimistic are you about the future?'

'Any chance of me being recycled Doc?'

'But surely if I'm convinced I'm a hypochondriac that makes me one?'

Genetic link to obesity.

"Sometimes, in my dark moments, I do fear the firm handshake shall never return."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

Critisize your weight.

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

The new normal

"You need to justify your own existence first."

A Footnote - Self Portrait of Beardsley, Bound to the God of Nature

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

Aging Support Group

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Guy in gym

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

Who's Dead

Women

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."