Medical Philosophy Buffs Pillows

"Treat the disease, not the patient"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I'm an atheist!'

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'Any chance of me being recycled Doc?'

'You want a nurse present? -- Are you discriminating against me because of my gender?'

Leeches, lucky charms, rat catching. The secretary of health is in.

"It's a coming of old age story."

Euthanasia Clinic

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

NHS targets

'Your prescription is ready. How would you like to finance it?'

'The secret of life has been unknowable ever since we assigned it to a committee.'

"And if the golf area of the brain was somehow destroyed, there might be a little something extra in it for you."

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

"Look on the dark side."

"How does one experience the ultimate selfie? Swallow your cell phone."

Myth Diagnosis

"Poetry? Philosophy? Just what kind of dinner conversation do you want?"

"The meaning of life is cats."

'How optimistic are you about the future?'

'Don't tell me what Aristotle says. He still believes men have more teeth than women.'

'And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?'

Malpractice Problems

'Don't worry, I'll do all I can for you until your health insurance cancels you for getting sick.'

Stupid medicine - Shake Well Before Using.

Crime - Punishment.

"Oh yeah – They really are forever – Cool huh?"

'As a patient I'm glad because the doctor cured me. As a lawyer I'm sad because there's no reason to sue that guy.'

'If the treatment is unsuccessful, do you give back the information I released?'

'We decided to recall our new drug because it causes lawsuits.'

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, Al. I might have found that quote useful if not for my deadly fear of hobgoblins.

"Do you mind if I put this on instagram?"