Pharma Skeptic Pillows

"Try to find something that works like aspirin but costs much more."

"Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects."

"I think they call it a miracle drug because it'll be a miracle if I can get the cap off."

"Normally the illness lasts for about seven days, but with these drugs it will be over in a week!"

'So will your research make health care more affordable?'

"Ever notice that this show advertising prescription medications keeps getting interrupted by the nightly network news?"

"It's supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac, but it hasn't done jack for me."

'I'm prescribing anti-greed pills.'

"Yes, healthcare costs too much in the U.S., but overmedicating patients is expensive."

'I'm going to prescribe an effective drug that is very expensive. I use the same medication. Luckily, I get free samples from the company representative.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"Use Kivimo for ten days. If not completely satisfied,you have a very negative personality."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

Man sees hug capsules: 'Not to be taken Orally.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Too much Omega 3.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"At this point, we know it's addictive."

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."