Pharma Comedies Gifts

'Your physician has to have more confidence in e-prescribing. He followed up with a fax, an e-mail, and a phone call.'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

Pharmaco. He writes drug side effect warnings. Ah, a health scare provider.

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

Sea of Tranquillity

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

"It's what the people want. You run wild for a couple of hours and then - zap - you're back to normal."

"We've got to cut the drugs budget somehow, pass me the twigs and the bat droppings!"

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'We want to have him fixed, Doctor!'

'You can sniff out pet supplies on aisle five.'

Leo and Florence Wolfe play medication commercial BINGO during the nightly news.

Standup Pharmacist

"No, it's not mentioned in the side effects. But you have noticed that it's a full moon tonight, haven't you?"

You say the plumage has lasted longer than four hours?

R. Dough, M.D. - Eye, Ear, Nose, Throat & Big Pharma Stock.

Werewolf prone? Try our MoonBlock.

"That's the strongest teeth whitener we carry. Smile in the dark and your mouth becomes a night light."

'Does it hurt when I do this?'

"They won't help you... but what the heck, they won't hurt you either."

'I've been on this stuff and I'll tell ya, the side effects go great with a bottle of pinot grigio.'

Stool Softener

"I feel so calm and relaxed when we're together."

Push In And Turn

"This medication did take care of my rash. However, like the TV commercial claimed, it did come with a few side effects."

'Is excruciating pain an 'untoward reaction'?'