Pet Wellness Gurus Gifts

"How long is it since you took Benji for a walk?"

Man on exercise bike with dog on treadmill

Bathing the dog

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

'What's founder?'

Vet to owner about dog with bird at chest: 'I suspect heartworm.'

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

"It's mouseborn."

"You've got to lay off the homework."

"Serves you right for licking it!"

'Sorry, chubs, but those little circles you do before lying down don't cut it as exercise.'

'Tootsie-pie is going to be spaded, just like Mother.'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

'Have you put her on the strict diet I prescribed?'

"We agree - 3 words you don't want to hear from the vet - fleas, shots, and diet."

'You know it's time to bath the dog when he starts to smell like a gym bag!'

"Hemorrhoids. Any other questions?!"

"Murchison’s theory is that it’s dog hair in your fuel line.”

Lion with hair straighteners.

'This, Sir, is what we call a Sertoli-cell tumor....'

"Not only does the vet want me to brush the dog's teeth, he wants me to floss it too!"

'Let's see...fever, rhinorrhea, chorea...Aha! canine distemper!'

'He doesn't want to get fixed until you do.'

Clumping and Non-Clumping Cat Litter

'I'm putting Babs on a diet. She's more paunch than pooch.'

'What are you trying to say, Alan?'

"I really don't mind having my nails clipped, but I'm too easy, she'll think she can brush my teeth."

Chiropractor and Veterinarian.

'It's important to watch the amount of iron in his diet, too much and he'll only point north.'

'What are we going to do about these grooming parlors...'

'Fred just rages when he sees how veterinarians are portrayed on TV.'

'The most precious thing a practitioner can accomplish, my boy, is to accumulate a devoted following of these damned hypochondriacs."