Pet Video Night Planner Pillows

"O.K., O.K., here's 'Lassie, Come Home' again! Now are you happy?"

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"I was almost that last year."

Dogs

"He's got no idea how to run a Husky team."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

Christmas Pets

"She's all over YouTube."

'This is way better than a litter box.'

'Well, back to the old drawing board.'

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'

'...and notice how they like playing with string.'

"If you don't make up your mind who's taking me out, I'll do it right here."

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

'What does he mean, we're not on the list?'

Dog Park. Ernie, let me help you navigate the dog park safely. Thanks. Never ask the dalmatian if you can play "Connect the Dots." Don't discuss international politics with the Siberian Husky, or make jokes around the Greyhound. The Saint Bernard does not find it funny if you ask for his blessing. And most importantly, unless you schedule is clear for a week ... yeah? Don't say "yes" when the Lab asks you to play with that ball with him!

I'm building a new house here. To my owner over there it's a "pet project." Of course to me, it's just "a project."

Too cute for comfort.

'Halloween. Why should cats have all the fun?'

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

Jasper wasn't used to dealing with snowstorms before winter, let alone before Halloween...

"Okay, the first rule of rolling in s***e club is no one talks about rolling in s***e club."

It's time to treat your dog to Le Bon Chien.

"I borrowed it from my neighbor, he's a big tennis guy."

"See you in the morning."

"I’ve recently started self-medicating with viral pet videos."

"They know me here."

Pet owner to pets in chair: 'We need to come up with some kind of time-sharing system.'

Family looking to buy a dog.

"When the time is right I intend to lead a canine revolution that will bring about a new world order. Until then I'm just hanging around acting cute."

'Outside, they let me off the leash only to fetch the paper. It's sort of a work-release program.'

"I don't recognize the face. Mind if I sniff you?"

"Ambitions... To get birthday treats every dog year, not every seven."