Pet Video Enthusiast Pillows

"Yes, I watched your audition video - twice. It's okay. But in all honesty, you just don't have that certain je ne sais quoi needed to go viral."

"Pick me!"

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

Canine Companion

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

" 'Grrr' is not a word."

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"I could catch a bicyclist, well maybe not a bicyclist, but I could catch a jogger, definitely."

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

"I don't know about you, but it always makes me feel kinda special."

Love Conquers All

"He's already getting attached to you."

Couple sitting in living room reading books while dog reads a book with a cat shaped cover.

"Did you get my tweet?"

Pets.

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

"The video of you eating my $700 John Varvatos got 300 'likes.'"

Author's Bio-diversity.

Sign at vet's says 'Cat's waiting area'. Cat says to dog with head in cone: 'Oi, mate, can't you read?'

'Now there's a vet that needs a holiday,'

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

A mime and his pet parrot talk to one another.

When fleas talk...

'Rigt, now he's going through the spin cycle.'

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

'Spot! Stop that or you'll go blind!'

Zombie pet tricks.

"Wish I could do that." "Better give him a dog treat and a bath first."