Pet Seating Planner Pillows

Pet owner to pets in chair: 'We need to come up with some kind of time-sharing system.'

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"I was almost that last year."

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

Christmas Pets

'This is way better than a litter box.'

Dog Basket - I consent to petting.

'Well, back to the old drawing board.'

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

"O.K., O.K., here's 'Lassie, Come Home' again! Now are you happy?"

"Cat park"

"No you, he called you a lap dog."

'...and notice how they like playing with string.'

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

'What does he mean, we're not on the list?'

I'm building a new house here. To my owner over there it's a "pet project." Of course to me, it's just "a project."

Too cute for comfort.

"If I knew I'd have to walk them for an eternity... I never would have owned so many goddamn dogs!"

Jasper wasn't used to dealing with snowstorms before winter, let alone before Halloween...

'Halloween. Why should cats have all the fun?'

"Well, if not now, can I have a man cave after I reach puberty?"

"We're having cocktails, you should come by!"

"Okay, the first rule of rolling in s***e club is no one talks about rolling in s***e club."

"Once I finish obedience school, I plan to stray around Europe for a year."

"...yes I just popped in to feed your cat and do a spot of vacuuming!"

Vet.

"The Lawsons got new furniture. They're having a 'Help Scratch It Up' party."

'Well, we'd better call my mother and see if it's okay to leave him....

Though Bob was 32, he still got stuck at the little table.

Family looking to buy a dog.

'Outside, they let me off the leash only to fetch the paper. It's sort of a work-release program.'