Pet Care Planners Pillows

'I've been sentenced to five weeks while they go on holidays... What about you guys?'

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"I was almost that last year."

Dogs

"He's got no idea how to run a Husky team."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

Christmas Pets

'This is way better than a litter box.'

"When I was a puppy, I barked as a puppy, I understood as a puppy, I thought as a puppy. But when I became a dog, I put away puppy things except for my shabby, old, beat-up stuffy toy. I still freaking love this thing."

'Well, back to the old drawing board.'

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

"Cat park"

"I think my parents are pretty old. They remember a time before 'clumping' cat litter."

'...and notice how they like playing with string.'

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

"That's the last time I invite the boys round..."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

'What does he mean, we're not on the list?'

'My practice is limited to small animals, Sir....'

I'm building a new house here. To my owner over there it's a "pet project." Of course to me, it's just "a project."

Too cute for comfort.

'Halloween. Why should cats have all the fun?'

Jasper wasn't used to dealing with snowstorms before winter, let alone before Halloween...

"We're having cocktails, you should come by!"

It's time to treat your dog to Le Bon Chien.

"Once I finish obedience school, I plan to stray around Europe for a year."

"The Lawsons got new furniture. They're having a 'Help Scratch It Up' party."

'Well, we'd better call my mother and see if it's okay to leave him....

Ask Sadie. My wife and I are getting a puppy soon. Any training tips? - Jay and Emily, Charlotte, NC. Sent from my iPad. Oh yes. A tip: Have him poop on your @#$% iPad, you high-tech boobs! Irrelevant and gratuitous. Sent from my lungs. You need the toothbrush app.

"They know me here."

"Let's just hope the cat doesn't have anymore kittens."

Pet owner to pets in chair: 'We need to come up with some kind of time-sharing system.'