Pet Safety Nerd Pillows

Puffy's Safe Travel Inspection Station

"What road do you want to dart across today?"

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'It's okay - he knows how to use the GPS.'

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"OSHA is going to hear about this!"

"Yeah, this many ways to contact her if I'm lost might be overkill."

"Gary! Thank God you're home. The automatic pet feeder seems to be malfunctioning again."

Pretty Soon: Robot pets won't provide the valuable life lessons flesh pets did.

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

'If you had asked me I could have TOLD you that he bites.'

"I've seen this before. Keep his head inside the car when the vehicle is in motion."

'Why in the world do you want to log on to the vet doctor. who did a 'fix' job on you?!'

"My phone has two step authorization. Facial and Backside recognition"

'Don't you miss the thrill of the chase?'

'Tootsie-pie is going to be spaded, just like Mother.'

'I am prosecuting you for a breach of article 5 of the explosives act, storing black powder in a dangerous manor on unlicensed premises.'

'Have you put her on the strict diet I prescribed?'

"As I near my 9th life, I feel I’m entering a post-curious, pre-fatalist phase of existence."

Man sees danger of death sign. Arrows from sign are locked up.

Dog makes cats float with helium.

"It's a smart refrigerator that requires a password to open it. They always use one of our names. Their lack of creativity has finally caught up with them."

'This, Sir, is what we call a Sertoli-cell tumor....'

'It's the law. Everybody wears seat belts.'

"OK, you have your assignments for today, and remember, safety first: Ensure the kids wear their riding helmets..."

Book in library - 'Crash tests for dummies' (being read by a crash test dummy).

'Let's see...fever, rhinorrhea, chorea...Aha! canine distemper!'

'Are you aware that a dog can choke to death on chicken bones?'

'He doesn't want to get fixed until you do.'

"I taught him how to speak, shake hands and, as you can see, fetch information."

'I'm putting Babs on a diet. She's more paunch than pooch.'

'I'm sorry to disturb you, but new health and safety rules prohibit me from climbing down your chimney.'

Dog checks out His Master's Website.