Pet Pedigree Pundit Pillows

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Eldrow

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'I told him not to wear stretchy pants to dinner.'

"Shouldn't there be some sort of pecking order around here?"

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

"We've known each other for years Bob, and this grooming style suited you when you were young, but it's time to let it go!"

'That was nice of them to order us a new scratching post!'

"I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god."

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

I think you started off sending him the wrong message when you named him Alpha.

'He's not big enough to use the toilet yet.'

"Serves you right for licking it!"

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

The Fishbowl Dynasty

'Your honor, my client feels you should recuse yourself as he is a cat person.'

"For crying out loud! It’s empty!!"

'They're for a friend.'

...or how about this gorgeous little puppy ma'am? He's a Labrador Collie cross.

Chicken Little meets Chicken Medium.

'Not all my kids went to the dogs...some of them went to the cats.'

"He's quick with the birds and the bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears. . ."

"Making a documentary about a week in the life of a cat has proved to be less challenging than I anticipated."

"Just between us, I came first, but I shredded the evidence."

'If provoked - his remarks can be scathing.'

'It's a wonderful new drug...a sort of injectable garlic.'

"So how do we know if they've got this helium virus?"

Mother Clucker

The Domestic Violence Workshop Commences At 2:30.

'He kept saying that, 'my bark was worse than my bite', so I bit him!'

'If you look at paragraph 23 section 12 you'll see that your comprehensive life insurance does not in fact cover the thanksgiving holiday period.'

'Trampoline...pogo stick...got any other genius ideas?'

Growth hormones feed to chickens

"My investment adviser told me to go for short term capital gains."