Pet Inheritance Expert Pillows

"I've just overheard Mistress talking to her lawyer: We're in her will!"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"He's my school project for science class."

Protoplasm

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"These are the care instructions. And if things don’t work out, there’s a recipe on the back."

"You can tell when people don't have pets, because they start to look like their plants."

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

'Most dogs chase cars, Sally but mine is into them!'

"Yo, I'm Scrapper the Rapper, shelters are cool, but I'm no fool -- the dream in my head, is to sleep on your bed. Adopt now!"

I think you started off sending him the wrong message when you named him Alpha.

'Trust me, if you get them as kittens, you learn to love them...'

"... $3 million, I have $3 million. Can I get $4 million? Yes, $4 million ..."

'I see your problem. This is not an infertile pair. They're two males.'

'The problem with being a Chihuahua is that everybody calls me 'Pepe'... My name is actually Humphrey Reginald Windsor the Third...'

"It's for the damn parrot"

'Can I keep him? He followed me home.'

"Adopt me."

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."

"I don't allow pets on the furniture, but I do allow them on the guests."

Probable result of the Cochin China Fowl mania.

"I considered a rescue dog, but decided to take this refugee from Afghanistan."

"An intruder will be pretty surprised when he meets me pit bull, Jesus."

"Have you ever wondered what would happen if a giant hair ball were to slam into the earth?"

"In my day, dogs slept outside in a doghouse." "But... this is nice."

'Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have called you 'Flash', it just seems sarcastic now.'

"I found it. It's catnip for the 5th anniversary and scratching post on the 10th."

'Don't worry about being lost: If you're microchipped, they'll find your home...'

"Look, I've invented a catoodle."

'Okay, just one more. But then I have a rescue I need to get to.'

'As we all know your dear, deceased Aunt Clara, was a devoted cat lover...'

'Fluffy is the great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great grandson of my first cat,'

'Are they related?'

"I'm no mongrel, I'm a labro-doodle-collie-whippet!"