Pet Inheritance Expert Pillows

"I've just overheard Mistress talking to her lawyer: We're in her will!"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"He's my school project for science class."

Protoplasm

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"These are the care instructions. And if things don’t work out, there’s a recipe on the back."

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

"You can tell when people don't have pets, because they start to look like their plants."

"Yo, I'm Scrapper the Rapper, shelters are cool, but I'm no fool -- the dream in my head, is to sleep on your bed. Adopt now!"

'Most dogs chase cars, Sally but mine is into them!'

I think you started off sending him the wrong message when you named him Alpha.

"... $3 million, I have $3 million. Can I get $4 million? Yes, $4 million ..."

'I see your problem. This is not an infertile pair. They're two males.'

'Trust me, if you get them as kittens, you learn to love them...'

'Can I keep him? He followed me home.'

'The problem with being a Chihuahua is that everybody calls me 'Pepe'... My name is actually Humphrey Reginald Windsor the Third...'

"Adopt me."

"It's for the damn parrot"

Probable result of the Cochin China Fowl mania.

"I considered a rescue dog, but decided to take this refugee from Afghanistan."

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."

"I don't allow pets on the furniture, but I do allow them on the guests."

"An intruder will be pretty surprised when he meets me pit bull, Jesus."

"Have you ever wondered what would happen if a giant hair ball were to slam into the earth?"

"Since we live in the city, he likes to get on Google Earth and visit dog parks."

"In my day, dogs slept outside in a doghouse." "But... this is nice."

'Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have called you 'Flash', it just seems sarcastic now.'

"I found it. It's catnip for the 5th anniversary and scratching post on the 10th."

'Don't worry about being lost: If you're microchipped, they'll find your home...'

'Okay, just one more. But then I have a rescue I need to get to.'

"Look, I've invented a catoodle."

'As we all know your dear, deceased Aunt Clara, was a devoted cat lover...'

'Fluffy is the great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great grandson of my first cat,'

'Are they related?'