Pet Parenting Faux Pas Gifts

Too Much Coffee Man

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

he used to belong to a cartoonist

A Man and His Cat Read the Financial News.

Pampered Pets.

'I've got it written down...'

Witch: 'I've mellowed. Instead of black, do you have a gray cat?'

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

'What do you say we become vegetarians?'

'You treated his ears last year, but I guess the medicine didn't work because he's still shaking his head!"

"Choose wisely. Your choice will be the answers to security questions for the rest of your life."

"Buck up, go home and be nice to the new kitty."

"Eat grass 'til you puke, then call me in the morning."

Bad Dog

"They do very well in a talk show format."

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

Tinder for dogs

"Just because he's neutered and declawed doesn't mean he's not dangerous."

'She think we're waiting out here in this sun? Hot-wire this sucker!'

I assume obedience class was a washout then.

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

"Quick, act casual."

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

"Meet my first dog. I've named him 'Security Question.'"

"Our flying monkeys really seem to be hitting it off."

'Of course I never take you out - I can't see you wanting to cock your leg in the park!'

"Honey! The puppy just placed a new water element on the floor. Do you want me to clean it up or just balance the Feng Shui with a fire element?"

'Relax... breathe... visualize you inner dog treat...'