Pet Pampering Experts T-Shirts

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

I guess she had other plans for you.

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

Lifestyles of the hamsters of the rich and famous.

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

Why Poodles Become Killers

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

Dogs can dream too.

'That's right...he'll lick you to death.'

"What we have here is a severe case of over-growing."

Dog Looks Alarmed At The Vets.

Taking goldfish for a walk.

Woman Curls Her Dog.

'Forget about building trust. Just give the dog a bath.'

'They give you a lot of treats while they're training you, so play dumb for as long as you can.'

"Oh, stop whining. We ALL need a haircut."

My Bowl Is Empty.

'I'm sorry, Ralph, but you're going to have to move out - Prissy's allergy to your dandruff is getting worse.'

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

The pet elevator: Because sometimes the pet steps are just too much work.

Standard Poodle/Substandard Poodle

The Clipping

'We spoil that dog.'

'Excuse me, EXCUSE ME, what's that YOU'RE eating?!'

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

'You can't imagine how happy we are to find a vet who makes house calls!'

"Hey, don't complain. They declawed me!"

Dog Jogger

'My personal trainer, massage therapists, hair stylist and chef.'

"You knew I was a clean breed when you got me."

'You say he's been shaking his head?'

'I just love what you've done with the kitty litter box.'

'Don't you think you're spoiling him...installling an automatic doggie door?'