Dog Pampering Expert T-Shirts

"We'll have the people food."

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

Why Poodles Become Killers

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"What we have here is a severe case of over-growing."

Dogs can dream too.

Woman Curls Her Dog.

Pampered Pets.

'Forget about building trust. Just give the dog a bath.'

'They give you a lot of treats while they're training you, so play dumb for as long as you can.'

My Bowl Is Empty.

"Oh, stop whining. We ALL need a haircut."

The pet elevator: Because sometimes the pet steps are just too much work.

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

Standard Poodle/Substandard Poodle

The Clipping

'Excuse me, EXCUSE ME, what's that YOU'RE eating?!'

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"Hey, don't complain. They declawed me!"

'My personal trainer, massage therapists, hair stylist and chef.'

"You knew I was a clean breed when you got me."

'You say he's been shaking his head?'

"The bad news is, no walk. The good news is, unlimited belly rubs, chase around the dining room table, salmon for dinner, and you're on my bed tonight."

'This is the place I was telling you about.'

"... and just a pinch of catnip for Oscar."

"This food tastes like $%#! Please send my compliments to the chef."

"She's a model dog, alright. When she's not on a catwalk, she demands a lot of attention, requires constant grooming, and is a picky eater."

'Don't you think you're spoiling that dog,Dorothy?'

"They say that every dog has its day, and this apparently is mine."

"Happy 126th birthday, girl!"

"Has someone forgotten the cucumber slice and lemon wedge in my spring water again, Edna?"

"Oh sure, I spoil him. But, he always has my back."