Dog Pampering Expert T-Shirts

"We'll have the people food."

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

Why Poodles Become Killers

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

"What we have here is a severe case of over-growing."

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

Dogs can dream too.

Woman Curls Her Dog.

'Forget about building trust. Just give the dog a bath.'

'They give you a lot of treats while they're training you, so play dumb for as long as you can.'

My Bowl Is Empty.

"Oh, stop whining. We ALL need a haircut."

The pet elevator: Because sometimes the pet steps are just too much work.

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

Standard Poodle/Substandard Poodle

The Clipping

'Excuse me, EXCUSE ME, what's that YOU'RE eating?!'

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"Hey, don't complain. They declawed me!"

'My personal trainer, massage therapists, hair stylist and chef.'

"You knew I was a clean breed when you got me."

'You say he's been shaking his head?'

"The bad news is, no walk. The good news is, unlimited belly rubs, chase around the dining room table, salmon for dinner, and you're on my bed tonight."

"This food tastes like $%#! Please send my compliments to the chef."

"She's a model dog, alright. When she's not on a catwalk, she demands a lot of attention, requires constant grooming, and is a picky eater."

'This is the place I was telling you about.'

"... and just a pinch of catnip for Oscar."

'Don't you think you're spoiling that dog,Dorothy?'

"They say that every dog has its day, and this apparently is mine."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"Has someone forgotten the cucumber slice and lemon wedge in my spring water again, Edna?"

"Happy 126th birthday, girl!"