Pet Owner's Misfortune Gifts

"Do you have any idea what you've done? There are twelve hundred bottles of cognac on that ship!"

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'What makes you say I spoil the cat?'

'I do some light mousework for them in return for room and board.'

'Yes I can talk, can you fly?'

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"He was a sea rescue."

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"Here he comes! Don't move."

'Better get used to it. I was just appointed to nine life terms to the bench.'

'Heel! HEEL! Bad potato!'

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

Bad Dog

"It isn't quite how I pictured it, either."

"Tonight I'm going to bury this sucker so far underground he'll never find it."

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

'That's the worst case of fleas I've ever seen...!'

If you want full cover for your cat I suggest you take out the nine lives policy.

Too late they realized they'd awarded 1st place to a mop.

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.