Pet Owner's Misfortune Gifts

"Do you have any idea what you've done? There are twelve hundred bottles of cognac on that ship!"

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Go to settings, sounds, ringtone, whistle, who can hear this, then tap only me.

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'I do some light mousework for them in return for room and board.'

'What makes you say I spoil the cat?'

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

"Here he comes! Don't move."

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"He was a sea rescue."

'Yes I can talk, can you fly?'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'Heel! HEEL! Bad potato!'

'Better get used to it. I was just appointed to nine life terms to the bench.'

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

"It isn't quite how I pictured it, either."

Bad Dog

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

"Tonight I'm going to bury this sucker so far underground he'll never find it."

'That's the worst case of fleas I've ever seen...!'

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

If you want full cover for your cat I suggest you take out the nine lives policy.