Pet Matchmaking Gifts

"That's the last time I let you fix me up. She looks like a human to me!"

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

Dog Nightmares

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"Let me know if you smell any large-mouth bass."

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

"I can't believe how much I love her. Just look at those sienna eyes and that adorable little nose. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without her." "He has food."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Your blood pressure is too high. Take two of these."

Cupid

If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise.

Rescue dog rejecting potential owners

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'Dream-dates don't normally go for nightmares.'

'Your anger towards us can't be healthy, so we hope this intervention helps.'

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

"All the good ones are neutered."

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

Dog on Cat.

"I have to go out and I hate to leave her all alone in the house — she looks anxious..." "He's going out again and I can't go. He'll be out there with total strangers — he looks worried..."

"Do they say that pets resemble their owners, or owners resemble pets?"

"I think you are exceeding the speed limit."

A dog cupid flies an arrow after a dog jumping on a random man's leg.

Mister, Inc: 'Wrong...Right'

Lady sees 'Stop' sign above cat at shelter, thinks, 'Well ... I did ask for a sign.'

"You're still pulling back too hard on the bowstring"

"You mind if we take a little break from playing frisbee?"

"Yes, my personal ad said I was looking for a match, however..."

Collie F, 4 yrs old, well-trained, knows many tricks, wants to meet M, collie, afghan or greyhound. No mutts please.

"Are you; 'Obedient, fun-loving and loyal...with a liking for licking his testicles...?'"

'I know she's not much to look at, but neither are you!'