Pet Influencer Pillows

Catnip Brownies - Cool!

"He's the one family member who doesn't care if I post hundreds of photos of him online."

'Royalties from your funny cat videos mean you'll have to file a tax return.'

"I know you love fetching, but that won't go viral on youtube...what else you got?"

"He was overly socialized as a puppy."

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

I think the cat wants to go out.

Mouse on an Exercise Bike

'I've been hired by a zoologist to keep a detailed blog of my daily life,,,'

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

"Want to see me make him beg, roll over and shake?"

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

101 uses of a dead cat: bagpipe

Hang Time Fido

'Why do they refuse to drink water out of a bowl that's been left out for two hours, but go gaga over toilet water?'

"How do you think that makes Gail feel, knowing her only dog is posting naked pictures of herself all over the internet?"

'Can't read this one either. Think anyone would mind if I just rolled around in them?'

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

'Fluffy's biological clock went off today.'

"Darling, this dog food is delicious!"

"Sometimes I think you guys don't want peace."

'The royalties from Muffin's internet videos were really good last month!'

'Here's a stupid question...are you getting enough sleep?'

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

"Bob's more realistic."

'I said - MOVE IT!'

What if pets did housework...

"Goodness gracious no, I didn't go to a public puppy-school: I went to an elite private puppy-school..."

'Yeah, well, my guy idolizes me so much that he collects my poop in a bag and takes it home with him.'

Sorry Dear, until they put mice into tins you'll have to make do with chicken.

"Ms. Hoffman, we're from the SPCA investigating allegations of animal cruelty. Is it true that you force your small dog to wear holiday sweaters?"