Petfluencer Pillows

"Another pic? You know it's the same food every [censored] day, right?"

"Yes, one is a dog."

Cat Reunion

''Raining cats and dogs' is just a phrase, Alix.'

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

Epic Battles

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

"Dogs are men."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

Talking Dog.

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

You thought YOU hated YOUR job?

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

"He's the one family member who doesn't care if I post hundreds of photos of him online."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

The Inner Dog.

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

Clown walking his balloon dog.

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

'Fallllling in heeeeeat agaaaaain

The Catkins Diet

"You know, there are also some people who should never have children, hint hint...."

"Want to see me make him beg, roll over and shake?"

"You need a hobby."

Cat Blog.

Pavlov's Dream.

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."

'In conclusion, it's more blessed to give than retrieve.'

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."