Petfluencer Pillows

"Another pic? You know it's the same food every [censored] day, right?"

"Yes, one is a dog."

Cat Reunion

''Raining cats and dogs' is just a phrase, Alix.'

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

Epic Battles

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

Talking Dog.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Dogs are men."

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"He's the one family member who doesn't care if I post hundreds of photos of him online."

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

You thought YOU hated YOUR job?

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

The Inner Dog.

Clown walking his balloon dog.

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

'Fallllling in heeeeeat agaaaaain

"You know, there are also some people who should never have children, hint hint...."

"Want to see me make him beg, roll over and shake?"

The Catkins Diet

"You need a hobby."

'In conclusion, it's more blessed to give than retrieve.'

Pavlov's Dream.

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."