Pest Pun Lover Pillows

"Sorry, Jeff. Two's company, three's an infestation."

'We've got bats.'

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

'It's a veritable superstore for us woodworm!'

Practical Woodworm...

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Staff support"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Copycats

Zombie standup

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

Cut Price

Backfire

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

'Do you have any catsup?'

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.