Pessimist Charmer Pillows

"The nice thing about being a fruit fly is you only have to listen to one news cycle."

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

The glass is half full. - '' - 'The glass is half empty' - '' - 'Gah!! No clean glasses!!' - '' -

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

"My glass is half empty"

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

This will be a banner day for you!

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

'Look at that lunatic...'

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

"This feels like the start of something that will eventually break one of our hearts."

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

Half Full/Half Empty

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

The split end is near.

How about taking me for a walk in the park, Lance? Can't you just use the bathroom like everybody else, Gloria?

"You really don't need a good life, just a great obituary writer."

The world may be my oyster, but I've never been able to pry it open.

"Breakfast is my favorite meal because the day hasn't been ruined yet."

'It seems that he was too optimistic. His glass of water wasn't half full. Obviously, it was completely empty.'

"I think next year things will really be different."

'(Sigh!) I doubt if the country will ever have a mood of optimism again....'

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'

Battery Juice Bar

Pessimists Anonymous - chart.