Personality Makeover Fan Gifts

'If you want them balanced, it'll be an extra 250 dollars.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

Congratulations on the new you!

My Spam Sketchbook

Cartoon showing a group snails, one has a large shell underneath him. Another snail, observing, says to his mate: "Another basement conversion.".

This year I'm a different person. I'm starting school as the new, cooler me. Way to go, Twig! Diner. Everyone will notice the change. It feels kind of risky. I've never worn my hair down!

What're you doing today, Darlene? Power relaxing. 9 to 10:15 I'm reading the paper. 10:20 to 11:30 I'm getting my nails done while reading Catch 22 for my books club. 11:45 to 1, I'm eating lunch, catching up on calls, paying bills then kicking back on the couch from 1 to 1:15. The afternoon is sheer bliss. Yoga from 2-3, Pilates from 3-4, massage from 4-5, meditation 5-6. Now move. Please now! You're interfering with my relaxing. How the type-A spend their Sundays. 10:02, bathroom break. Everyo

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'Welcome to Reputation Makeover! Tonight, my team and I will try to repair the tattered reputations of those appearing on other reality shows!'

"Didn't we have a door over there?"

'I liked the Pompidou Center too, Melvin, but I'm not obsessed with it.'

"I can be changed!"

Woman leaves cosmetic surgery as her waste skin is dumped in skip.

She was always an introvert.

"You might consider new socks as well."

The Three Wise Women

Russell Rebrand

Demand for reclaimed barn wood causes wave of new barn construction.

'I'm looking for something that reeks moderation and restraint.'

"Last week, actually – thanks for noticing."

couple replacing lightbulb in chandelier.

"I've decided to redecorate...starting with you!"

Market. Cheeses. Trouble in the case, Ernie? Yeah, four of the cheeses are disliked by the others. The bleu cheese is always depressed and ruins any fun they try to have. The limburger is condescending - it thinks "sharpest" means "smartest." The low-fat cheese won't stop bragging about being the most fit and attractive. And there's a problem with the Swiss too? Yeah, it has a holier-than-thou attitude.

Ask Sadie. Sadie, I have a temper. Whenever someone defies me, I get angry. Please advise. - Hot Temper. *Actual reader questions. You're right you have a problem. Don't get angry when someone defies you. Get angry even when they agree with you! Where do readers come up with this nonsense? Get taunting advice at asksadieshow@gmail.com

"And this one has a butt recognition feature. Only you will be able to sit in it."

"I keep it on to remind me that I managed to escape a life of crime before I was in too deep."

'Know what this place needs? - a telly makeover!'

Cosmetic dental surgery.

'Now watch me wash out all these nasty stripes!'

Three Piece Furniture Distressing Kit

"Anything worth doing is worth hiring someone to do it well."

Young Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen: 'Terracotta and turmeric and fuchsia and jade ... I can sing a rainbow'.

"I'm aiming for boyish charm, but I don't want to appear vulnerable."