Performance Seeker Gifts

The steroid era vs the social media era

Butterfly Woman

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

Ancient Racing

'He lives for his holidays.'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"It's not fair! I only got 100 on my English test!"

Bob's Driving School.

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

"Let's break the record for non-stop deranged barking."

If you're happy and you know it...

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

The search for Bigfoot continues for a group of women who know that if his feet are THAT big...

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

Too much monkey business...

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

He likes to make work fun

Pesky students.

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"Who's ready to see what's going to happen in the fourth quarter?"