Performance Seeker Gifts

The steroid era vs the social media era

Butterfly Woman

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'He lives for his holidays.'

Ancient Racing

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

'Enough already. It's a car, not a transporter.'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

Bob's Driving School.

"It's not fair! I only got 100 on my English test!"

Clownfish entertain sea life by hitting each other in the face with octopi.

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"Let's break the record for non-stop deranged barking."

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

If you're happy and you know it...

The search for Bigfoot continues for a group of women who know that if his feet are THAT big...

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

'Now will you pull over and ask for directions?'

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

Pesky students.

Too much monkey business...

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

"Who's ready to see what's going to happen in the fourth quarter?"

He likes to make work fun