Performance Review Dodger Gifts

'Bentley, can I see you for a minute...'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Fear of news.

Scapegoat of the Year

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

Financial Advisor. The next time you let your inner child out to play, don't let him play with your credit cards.

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

"I know it's not in our nature, but we really gotta stop charging everything."

Hear me, Graduates!

'We are in a race against time and the auditors. Gentlemen...start your shredders!'

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

It's an I-O-Ewe.

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

'So, who's first?'

Updated Proverbs. We come into the world with nothing. And leave deeply in debt!

Kicking The Habit

'It will take all my nine lives to pay off my student loans.'

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

'Financial suicide hotline. How may I help you?'

"I can help you get your finances back in shape – you've just got to believe in me."

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

You've been extending Randy credit to buy food and drinks? You've no right! That's thousands of dollars. Have you any idea what that … Armstrong? Defibrillator. C'mon, really. It's not that bad. Okay, fine, make a show of it. Defibrillator! And a coroner.

'Money doesn't have wings, feet or wings. My dad says that nevertheless, it disappears with the speed of light.'

Don't laugh, my house is paid for.

Gone for Broke College

FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF, 'It's official, sir - EVERYBODY'S overdrawn!'

'Another hike in college tuition! The costs are already killing my folks!'

And your repayment period starts...Now!