Per Diem Detective Gifts

"Terrible. It's just terrible. He's the third accountant I've hired to calculate my per diem."

A boy acting suspiciously

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

Unusual Offers

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

'But what do you sell?'

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

'As all coherent strategy has failed, we turn to you.'

Cut-Rate Think Tanks - Now available for hire.

Good Cop, Bad Clown: 'Ok, ok I'll tell you what you want! Just make that creepy clown stop staring at me!'

"We need to talk about procrastination."

Violence on TV.

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

'So now you sniff out drugs. That's it, no more TV cop shows.'

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

"Hey - didn't I see you on TV last night?"

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'