Pension Trustee Pillows

"...For the yacht Jim...just think of the yacht!"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

Help!!! I've been kidnapped - Your Money.

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

Worker Rights and the Smoking Ban

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Mismanagement Consultant.

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

"We're not accusing you of abusing the system, but I understand you've been on Social Security for 150 years."

Dick rode through the night, the job offer to become a Pension Investment Opportunities Advisor was just too good to miss.

'If it wasn't for their great pension scheme I'd have packed this in years ago.'

'How many pension fund managers does it take to change a lightbulb...?'

'Whether I work in the public or private sector, save my retirement benefits.'

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

"But Tim has tremendous faith in modern technology...he's looking for an 'Foolproof pension investment strategy in uncertain markets and a potentially imploding Eurozone' app!"

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

Controversial Boxes

401K.

"The pensions industry needs to dramatically improve the way we communicate with customers."

'Our retirement plan is state funded. When you retire, we give you a lottery ticket.'

"Hi, I'm your personal pensions advisor, Miss Sold"

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."