Pension Trustee Gifts

"...For the yacht Jim...just think of the yacht!"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

Help!!! I've been kidnapped - Your Money.

Worker Rights and the Smoking Ban

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Mismanagement Consultant.

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

Dick rode through the night, the job offer to become a Pension Investment Opportunities Advisor was just too good to miss.

"We're not accusing you of abusing the system, but I understand you've been on Social Security for 150 years."

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

'How many pension fund managers does it take to change a lightbulb...?'

'Whether I work in the public or private sector, save my retirement benefits.'

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

'If it wasn't for their great pension scheme I'd have packed this in years ago.'

They Too

"But Tim has tremendous faith in modern technology...he's looking for an 'Foolproof pension investment strategy in uncertain markets and a potentially imploding Eurozone' app!"

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

Controversial Boxes

401K.

'Our retirement plan is state funded. When you retire, we give you a lottery ticket.'

"Department of infernal affairs. How may I misdirect your employee pension plan?"

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'