Pennywise Humorist Gifts

Penny loafers on sale for 2500 cents.

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Will work for ETFs

"The note in the bottle said someone's stranded here, but where is he?"

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'If we're going to have a banking relationship, you'll have to trust me more than this.'

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

"Any chance of a couple of crumbs?"

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

Me and my money are soon parted

'Oh my - hasn't he grown!'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Worldcon' - financial statement fraud exposed.

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"And so as a hedge against this trend, the directors have decided to invest heavily in red ink."

'Honey, have you seen the size of this phone bill.'

"Will you manage my portfolio?"

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

Oh, I can't complain. high profits

'I miss the great depression.'

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'