Penny-pinching Parent Gifts

"At least he went quick. Although not quick enough, I'm afraid. This discount coupon expired last month."

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"I don't know...seems like budget cuts have gone pretty far this year."

Power/Expenditures

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

Darling, you should have asked me to put sun tan lotion on your back and not the kids!

'You did that on purpose!'

"This is your great, great uncle Orlando. He was a great mathematician, but a little cheap. He always picked up the check at restaurants...but only to make sure the math was right."

'Last year my kids put a sign on my back, but tomorrow, on April Fools Day, I'll be ready, they won't get me again.'

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

'Dad! What time is it when the big hand is on eight and the little hand is all over the floor?'

"Is that a fixed-rate scowl or is it adjustable to the current interest rate?"

"Diversification doesn't mean hiding the money under the mattress, the sofa and 2 chairs!"

'We'd like a GPS device that would direct us to affordable gas.'

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

Short-Term Memory Foam Loss

'Do me a favour,son-go traumatise your mother!'

'We save a fortune each year by running our children through a tax haven.'

Mother goosing her young son.

"I'm impressed...Baldo stayed up all night studying."

'It's a bill for asking how much I charge.'

"We thought it would save us money if we bought you the wood, and you made your desk yourself."

'Owr inglish teecher is rubish!!'

'My son's doing work experience and he helps me with the small print.'

'Hey, don't do that! Don't you know they send cribbers to the fox farm?'

The ol' swine flu gag.

'Perk up. Just think of all that interest piling up at more than 5% per annum.'

'He went into shock when you presented him with the hospital bill.'

'What did the kids do now?!'

"They're flipping to see who pays for the meals!"

'I'm introducing a new system of speeding up the housekeeping chores.'