Penguin Punchliner Pillows

'My god, I wouldn't want to be a stand-up comedian in a place like this!'

A Symphony of Penguins

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Admit it Doc. You're jealous because my home remedy worked better than your fancy prescription!

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"Smite him, my son!"

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

Chicken: the one-man show

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

Comedy Rule

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

"Please tell the king I've remembered the punchline."

"Your early stuff was funnier."

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

'You had a lunch date, but I cancelled it because it was your turn to pay.'

"I want to be a stand up comic, but life's not crap enough."