Penguin Ponderers T-Shirts

"I'm thinking about freezing my eggs."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

"I'm learning to live with existence."

Ten Commandments

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

"Great, now we're lost."

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

"Did you ever notice, the snow is always whiter on the other side of the glacier?"

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

"The arc of the moral universe."

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

"Turned out he wasn't a miniature."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

"Who's next?"

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

'Have you ever thought that being damned for all eternity to a lake of eternal fire might mask a deeper problem?'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'

'You know what I really miss? -- living dangerously.'

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

"What d'you say we try sneaking out before the last one?"

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

"Obviously, somebody screwed up somewhere."

"I wonder if he's talking to me?"

'Journey of self-discovery' Dog realizes he can make his leg move when he scratches.

This could be interesting...

He's at that confusing stage between chasing his own tail or the mail carrier's.

'Life is like a cheap steak...it's tough.'