Pencil Humourist Gifts

The Cartoonists

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Barbeque Casualty.

Glance Exchange

"The Eggsorcist"

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"It's just a tree."

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

"How about a hand."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'You can't come in here with that.'

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

Self Help / Elf Help.