Pen Name Ponderers Pillows

"My real name's Killer. Fluffy is just my pen name."

The Jeopardy of Progress

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"I'm learning to live with existence."

Ten Commandments

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"Great, now we're lost."

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

"I've changed the company's name, Edith. Ours, of course, will remain the same."

Goalkeeping Dog

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

"The arc of the moral universe."

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

'You know what I really miss? -- living dangerously.'

'Have you ever thought that being damned for all eternity to a lake of eternal fire might mask a deeper problem?'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

"As requested, we're going to go over you retirement fund, so, if at all possible, let's hold questions until I have finished and I'm out in the parking lot starting my car."

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

'Life is like a cheap steak...it's tough.'

'At least I'm not accused of being envious, lustful, greedy, prideful, gluttonous or wrathful.'

"It used to be called pensions."