Pseudonym Ponderer Pillows

'He's been at it for six months, and he still can't think of a pseudonym.'

"He's his own worst enemy."

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

Max Weber

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

"A watched kettle never boils, so I'm covering up Alexa."

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Have you noticed how the grass is always greener on the other side?'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

Caption Contest TK

Some moss pounces on a rolling stone.

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

Three Wise Monkeys with MP3 players: Hear no evil, hear no evil, hear no evil

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

'The heck of it is, non-violence never solves anything either!'

"I've changed the company's name, Edith. Ours, of course, will remain the same."

"I can never remember whether children are to be seen and not heard or the other way around."

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

Rare footage of a leopard changing spots.