Peer Pressure Punster Gifts

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I think you're ace

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

Gas station

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

A Tongue Stud.

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

Psychologist Birthdays

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

"They're the closest I've come to owning a car!"

Claude

"Can you give me some sort of metaphor for how you're feeling?"

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Tiny man plays big cello, huge man plays tiny violin.

'I've been experiencing a lot of deja moo.'

"Operator, I'd like to make a person-to-person call, and I'd like to reverse the roles."

"How long have you been suffering from anthropomorphism?"

'I can't remember why I came here either.'

Those four microwave dings you just heard indicate that dinner is ready, Lance. Hop to it! Unlike some individuals I know, I am not one of Pavlov's wolverines.

Psychiatry. Your disorientation is number 2248 in my psychiatry manual. You mean my daze is numbered?

Psychobabble.

Freud Met Santa...

The Stand-up Petrophysicist...

Two particles outside Hadron Collider; 'Fancy getting smashed this evening?'

'Well it was fine on the straight but when it hit the last curve the cartoonist lost his perspective!'

Math Dept. I can't move my hand to indicate "Hello" anymore. You mean your wave function has collapsed?

"Do you believe in ghost peppers?"