Peer Pressure Punster T-Shirts

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I think you're ace

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

A Tongue Stud.

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

Gas station

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

"Can you give me some sort of metaphor for how you're feeling?"

"They're the closest I've come to owning a car!"

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Tiny man plays big cello, huge man plays tiny violin.

'I can't remember why I came here either.'

"How long have you been suffering from anthropomorphism?"

"Operator, I'd like to make a person-to-person call, and I'd like to reverse the roles."

Psychobabble.

Freud Met Santa...

Two particles outside Hadron Collider; 'Fancy getting smashed this evening?'

The Stand-up Petrophysicist...

'Well it was fine on the straight but when it hit the last curve the cartoonist lost his perspective!'

"Do you believe in ghost peppers?"