Peanut Butter Skeptic T-Shirts

'Think he wanted a plain one, without peanut butter.'

Circa 1928, The Reese's Candy laboratory.

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

'He can't be all bad if he still likes peanut butter.'

Table Of The Elephants

'Can I have some of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich? All my mom ever gives me is cake.'

"And it shall be called peanut butter. And it shall appear as if perishable or in need of refrigeration but in truth it shall remain shelf-stable for months, though the oil may separate and require stirring. And there shall be a crunchy variety and there shall be a smooth variety. And . . ."

Jelly I.V.

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

'I'd like something with a high amount of vegetable protein, a bit of glucose or dextroe for energy, and some fiber.' 'One peanut butter and jelly on toast.'

Mixed Nuts (but mostly peanuts)

The sword in the all-natural impossible-to-stir peanut butter.

"I hab peenut buffer stok to woof of my mout!"

"That's your separation anxiety? When the oil separates in your all-natural peanut butter?"

For the Love of Peanut Butter

Doug has another one of his flying dreams.

'What happened to the free peanuts?'

Corporate urban legends

"When you're done cyberattacking, your PB&J, with crustd cut off, is waiting."

See, Peanut? I told you that 'Melt in your mouth, not in your hand' line would get you in trouble someday!

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

Food Science Lab. There's jealousy among the peanut butter molecules. "Smooth" does out all the time and "chunky" can't get a date.

"It's like as soon as we got married the man became so stupid we can't even remember how to slap some peanut butter on a cracker."

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

'I think we're in luck. This judge likes 'nut' cases.'

Peanut Butter and Jam Attack,

"I'd trade, but peanut butter sticks to my tongue stud."

'More bad news from the lab. You're allergic to peanuts.'

"Would you consider yourself creamy or crunchy?"

The Last Planters Peanut Day.

'Well, I'd say this calls for a toast!'

'I'll tell you my secret peanut butter recipe, but please don't spread it.'

'For the last time, Bobby, finish all your peanuts first... or you may go directly to your room!'