Peanut Butter Pal Gifts

Jelly I.V.

Circa 1928, The Reese's Candy laboratory.

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Look at that! Peanuts!'

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

'He can't be all bad if he still likes peanut butter.'

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

'Pull...'

'Can I have some of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich? All my mom ever gives me is cake.'

Dear Dairy

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

"If I have this peanut in my pocket, it means I must have buried my keys!"

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

Lunch Meet

"And it shall be called peanut butter. And it shall appear as if perishable or in need of refrigeration but in truth it shall remain shelf-stable for months, though the oil may separate and require stirring. And there shall be a crunchy variety and there shall be a smooth variety. And . . ."

'I'd like something with a high amount of vegetable protein, a bit of glucose or dextroe for energy, and some fiber.' 'One peanut butter and jelly on toast.'

"Mom, Eugene picked all the peanuts off the pizza!"

The sword in the all-natural impossible-to-stir peanut butter.

"No religious nuts!"

'This feeling of passion I have for you ...'

Mixed Nuts (but mostly peanuts)

"I hab peenut buffer stok to woof of my mout!"

Only Percy seemed happy that the Titanic was taking on water.

"That's your separation anxiety? When the oil separates in your all-natural peanut butter?"

For the Love of Peanut Butter

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

Peanut Butter and Jam Attack,

Food Science Lab. There's jealousy among the peanut butter molecules. "Smooth" does out all the time and "chunky" can't get a date.

"It's like as soon as we got married the man became so stupid we can't even remember how to slap some peanut butter on a cracker."

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"When you're done cyberattacking, your PB&J, with crustd cut off, is waiting."

"I'd trade, but peanut butter sticks to my tongue stud."