Peaceful Presenter Gifts

The Zen of Regulation

Showbiz Awards

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

"Let me now direct your attention to the pepperoni."

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

"I don't know what I'm going to do...my presentation is due on Monday and I haven't even started...I'm not sure I know how to speak."

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

Presentation skills.

"In other news a new study indicates dogs are still better than cats."

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'...The good news is the Guggenheim has offered $2,500,000 for our chart.'

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

How to engage an audience

The boy who cried Wolf Blitzer,

"Here we mark our data points, but the real fun is connecting the dots!"

"Maybe the pie chart should have been refrigerated."

Sir Patrick Moore.

"No, it hasn't anything to do with my presentation. But wait until you see how I hold everyone's attention with it sitting next to me at the podium."

'I know, we'll lead off the presentation with me telling an incredibly long and seemingly pointless anecdote about the time I burned my finger while lighting the back yard grill...'

'I can't wait for Power Point.'

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"In preparation for his appearance before the foundation board, Rodney fine-tunes his song and dance."