Peace-loving Parent Gifts

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Cry babies.

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

Impressing dad.

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

Children's artwork exhibition.

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'She's just great with the children.'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Werewolves of London..."

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'She posted her first blog today.'

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'