Peace-loving Parent Gifts

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Cry babies.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

Impressing dad.

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

Children's artwork exhibition.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'She's just great with the children.'

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

"Werewolves of London..."

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'She posted her first blog today.'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?