Payment Planner Gifts

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'It's bound to go wrong. We made the final payment last week.'

'Let's face it, you'll just have to pay by instalments and that's just for the deposit...'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"We only got six days of funding."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

European currency on the edge.

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

When Engineers Crack.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

Graph Your Relatives!

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

ACME Balloon Company.

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."