Financial Planner Gifts

The Meaning of Life/Tax Avoidance Advice.

'He's from Goldman Sacks.'

IRS: You are here - arrow points to taxes, in between birth and death.

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

"Just how do you propose to pay for this giveaway?"

"Did the three pigs have enough insurance to rebuild their home?"

'You can take it with you, but we have to notify your alumni association.'

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

"There's always an element of risk. No one has a crystal ball. OK, I have one, but no one knows how it works."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Your portfolio looks fine. It's your dreams we need to talk about.

"What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong,"

'Why bother to budget? So we can worry before we spend money, as well as afterwards.'

'Now, if we stick to our financial plan, I can retire at 55 and you at 87.'

'Apparently, wild hopes and dreams, re-enacted by Barbie and Ken, are no substitute for a solid business plan.'

'Sorry, but under-the-table donations aren't tax deductible.'

'You need a better long-term strategy than winning powerball.'

'Long term investment success requires a clear picture of the future, and that's going to be your job, Ted...'

'Have you thought about aging slower? Your 401(k) is in terrible shape.'

"Strategic plan B: We chop down all the office plants and grow vegetables."

Unusual Retirement Plans

Madame Borigard: Reader of the Occult - Derivatives & Credit Default Swaps Explained

"You have to think long-term. You can't afford to be old yet."

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

'My asset allocation? 40% 'ying' and 60% 'yang'.'

'There's nothing wrong with entering magazine sweepstakes - but have you folks considered any other retirement plans?'

'I'm being audited! Quick, everyone into the tax shelter!'

'You have to think long-term. You can't afford to be old yet.'

Ask About our Free Investment Advice: 'The free investment advice is buy low and sell high. We offer more detailed investment advice for a fee.'

Fat Cat & Accountant - 'How much tax can I avoid by becoming a Philanthropist?'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'You should start socking a few bucks away for retirement.'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.