Paying For A Wedding Gifts

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

You're my Mona Lisa.

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Demure lady with gloves

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Lesbian civil partnership.

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"You're the lid to my pot."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

A heart shaped cake

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

We'll have Manhattans...

Red Letter Days - A declaration of love in public

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."