Patron T-Shirts

Topless Bar

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Labor Day Flowers

Queen of Quinoa

'It's my favorite.'

'I can't sleep for thinking about global warming.'

Theatrical emotion of Mr. Vincent Crummles

"I've been feeling a bit empty lately."

"Yes, but is it art?"

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

Please consider donating your cancelled ticket so that we may sing again for you very soon.

"Last chance — where’s the wet food?"

'Supporting the arts'

'I said I wanted a cake with a naked bird coming out of it.'

"Actually, we're not a snow sculpture. Just been waiting for table service since September."

'The problems with charities is that they are always needing donations.'

Homeless Man: 'So...your Park bench or mine?'

Camille Saint-Saens.

"Edgar, don't you think it's time you donated a wing somewhere?"

"The circus was good but as 'Jo Jo, the dogged faced attorney', I'm making a killing."

"The university is delighted with the endowment but is there any flexibility over calling it the 'who's the rich one now you toffee nosed bastards' wing?"

'The man at the shelter promised he doesn't bark at all.'

"They claim they're being used as pawns and are filing a lawsuit."

Music in the Schools

'His hairdresser died last year, and he won't go to anyone else.'

Tavern: Perfect Attendance.

the statue

William felt out of place in the dog obedience school.

Postal service cuts.

"Here's to the greatest goddam foundation in the history of foundations—the MacArthur Foundation, or whatever the hell it's called!"

'Greg, if your cell phone was set to vibrate, I think I've located it.'