Paternity Pillows

"His first out-of-body experience."

"What do you mean you don't think I'm the father?!"

'Child support? Mine? Whatever...I want a paternity test!'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

City Zoo: Day Care

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

"Just be yourself."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Polly txt speak

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

I like the Jets...I guess

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."