Paternity Pillows

"His first out-of-body experience."

"What do you mean you don't think I'm the father?!"

'Child support? Mine? Whatever...I want a paternity test!'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

City Zoo: Day Care

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"Just be yourself."

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Polly txt speak

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

I like the Jets...I guess

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."